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Courtship in Anaxas

The three races view courtship differently, and there are different social customs for each. Passives are not included in this section, as they are not technically allowed to form romantic relationships (and, when they do, follow the customs of the culture in which they live).

Galdori Courtship

Galdori tend to marry slightly later than humans; the period between when they graduate from University and get married is considered their time to explore the world, pursue careers and meet other influential individuals. Courtship is very common during this period, especially while galdori are still in school. Galdori are considered of legal marriageable age at 16, but courtship is expected as early as fourteen. A man courting a woman usually indicates his intent to marry her one day, though this is becoming less of a social law in modern times; occasionally, galdori will court several partners before choosing one to marry.

Courtship is largely unchaperoned after one leaves school, but before this, parental consent and a relative chaperoning the two lovebirds is commonly sought. This is to make sure that no "unwarranted" events occur (including pregnancy, which is hugely taboo outside of marriage). Common courtship activities include attending chan ceremonies and parties together, visiting parks, going sailing, attending church, having picnics and making visits to restaurants.

Once a galdor has decided he wants to marry his young lady, he asks her father and mother for permission to propose marriage to her. Women almost never propose marriage to men; this is a leftover bit of prejudice from long ago.

Sex outside of marriage is frowned upon in galdori society. In modern times, kissing is acceptable, but anything further is not. Many galdori men and women do participate in extramarital sex, but they generally understand that they must keep such affairs discreet. Reputations can be ruined by the slightest of rumors. This is one way in which galdori society has become hypocritical as the old standards melt away from the inside out; the prudishness of the past remains, but only as a facade. Below the surface galdori are as fallible as any human.

Wick Courtship

Wick courtship is largely chaotic, and is not bound by much social law or morality. Wicks tend to court who they want, when they want, regardless of tribal affiliation, age, or location. However, tribal disagreements and feuds can put a strain on wick relationships; certain rivalries can lead to some wicks being strongly discouraged from becoming involved with a member of an opposing tribe. This has begun to happen to the members of Yellow Eye and Red Crow, as tribal tension reaches a head.

Each tribe has different rituals for courtship. Gift-giving to the families of the involved individuals is common, as is taking long trips together by cart. One standard is clear: both wicks must grow to accept their partner's family as their own. If this cannot happen, the relationship is often compromised. Drifting sometimes occurs because two families cannot reconcile.

If two wicks from different tribes decide to get married, one of them must leave their tribe. It is up to the wicks involved which one of them does this. Occasionally, if two tribes have been very close and intermarried over the years, they will unite as a single tribe. This generally only happens with very small family tribes. Wicks must get permission from their Durg to marry, but permission is only withheld in extreme circumstances. In most cases courting outside the tribal group (especially if the group is small) is encouraged, as it can foster new alliances and strengthen tribal bonds. Most wicks end up courting someone in their own tribe, but not necessarily in their own group, as many wicks travel in smaller family groups.

Wicks can have children outside of marriage with no social stigma. In fact, given the nomadic nature of wicks, babies born out of wedlock are common. There are no laws set in place to deal with custody; matters are solved on an individual basis by the Durg of the tribe in question.

Human Courtship

To most humans, marriage is a strictly utilitarian construct of society; courtship is something pursued for pleasure. While marriages exist for convenience and are sometimes arranged by the parents, courtship is free-form, unchaperoned and does not imply a commitment. Some parents discourage courtship without the intent to marry, but most humans do it anyway.

Sex outside of marriage is frowned upon, but common nonetheless. It is regulated by a system of social encouragement and discouragement, usually in the form of gossip and shame. As resources are often scarce among humans, families and friends will often live together out of convenience; some lower-class "households" consist of many unmarried humans living together, sometimes engaging in relationships outside the context of marriage. As the economy worsens, this living arrangement is becoming more and more common. Sharing resources is practical; without a great deal of inheritance to consider, humans often place little value on the institution of marriage, preferring to court indefinitely. Additionally, a good number of humans want to remain "off the grid" and escape the marriage tax.

Interracial and International Relationships

For galdori, any type of interracial relationship (referring only to magical ability) is forbidden by law and society. When relationships do occur, they are fleeting, and often manipulative or emotionally unsatisfying to the human or wick (or passive) involved. International relationships are far more common, though for an Anaxi to marry anyone from a less privileged nation is usually seen as an act of charity or exploitation. The most common international relationships are between Anaxi and Mugrobi.

Among the "lower races" (humans and wicks), interracial or international courtship is not seen as particularly scandalous. True, humans and wicks do not usually engage in such relationships, but when it occurs it is not considered wrong or even particularly outlandish. The main barrier to these types of relationships is cultural, as understanding and accepting one's partner's culture is a difficult task for many. Humans have difficulty understanding wickish sexuality and the relative informality of courtship arrangements, while wicks often struggle with humanity's relative prudishness and attitude towards sex. Many obstacles are present: economic, linguistic, familial and societal. Deciding where to live is foremost among these obstacles.

Freed passives often have trouble wrapping their minds around the idea of a relationship with a human or wick. In their mind, they expected during childhood to marry a galdor; now that this is no longer possible, they may view any other arrangement as settling or debasing themselves. This is why many freed passives remain celibate despite having the freedom to pursue relationships.

Anaxi Weddings

Anaxi weddings are very different depending on race, social class and location, and as Anaxas is something of a 'melting pot' for the rest of the world, there are many small variances in the ceremonies. Sometimes Anaxi families, if they descended from a family of a different culture, will adopt the customs of that culture instead of the Anaxi way. This has led to something of a cultural hodgepodge when it comes to weddings.

Some of the more irrational Anaxi superstitions come out of the woodwork around weddings. If the bride drinks milk before the wedding, she will not bear a child for the first year of marriage; if the husband wears blue to bed on the wedding night, he will be infertile; if the sister of the bride touches the groom before they are married, the husband will be unfaithful. Bluebirds are good luck on a wedding day, while rooks are unlucky. Cats are to be kept as far away from the bride as possible in the week before the wedding. Blistleberry pie is always served at weddings; this is less a superstition, however, and more a calculated attempt to stain the lips red and make the younger women at the ceremony more attractive to potential husbands in the groom's family. Multiple marriages between two families, such as brothers of one family marrying sisters of another, is considered lucky. These superstitions transcend all racial and social boundaries.

Galdori Weddings

Most galdori weddings are the culmination of a long courtship; some relationships have been decided by the parents of the men and women involved, while some are formed purely out of interest. In any case, for most galdori, their wedding is the most important social event of their lives.

In recent centuries it has become popular for the mother of the bride to plan the wedding, normally wielding an incredible amount of control over the budget, theme, decor, location, and other details down to the music played and the color of the flowers. Most ceremonies for galdori are lavish, almost always held in a secular location that permits a seamless integration from the ceremony to the reception. Temple weddings (such as those popular in Gior) are completely unorthodox in Anaxas. The typical attitude is that weddings are secular, not ordained by the gods. In a culture where even very simple everyday things are often sanctified in ritual, it is notable that unions between men and women are not.

That is not to say that Anaxi marriages lack religiosity. A good number of rituals exist for the marriage itself. Most include an exchange of vows, typically summing up the idea of "We shall be together forever, I shall protect you and stand by you," and so on; prayers are often said to bless the marriage, and any number of cultural superstitions preside over the ceremony. The oddest thing about the typical Anaxi wedding ceremony is that an officiant is not overseeing the proceedings, such as in Mugrobi and Gioran weddings. The couple almost always lead the ceremony themselves. Many variations on rituals are performed. Some prefer the Gioran handfasting, while some twist Mugrobi tradition around by drinking from a shared bowl rather than being blessed by it. As with most cultures, lavish parties are soon to follow, celebrating the bride and groom's union and new life together. This party is always accompanied by many gifts.

Human Weddings

Humans, generally with fewer resources, free time and space, do not tend to have large ceremonies. Smaller villages often come out in support of a newly married couple and throw a communal wedding which the whole village attends; in the city, friends, neighbors and family are usually involved in the planning of the wedding. Food is of particular importance. As humans do not get the opportunity to indulge themselves as often as they might, many human weddings practically revolve around the food. Preserves, dried or pickled meat and baked goods are very common.

Divorce

Divorces in Anaxas are very rare because of how expensive and difficult they are to obtain. Divorcees are sometimes thought to be frivolous or silly for putting their feelings above practicality and family integrity. However, they are not severely maligned, and can be obtained legally. The "divorce ceremony", an old tradition involving a blessing of the divorce by a member of the Everine, is no longer a widespread practice.