Feast Of St. Grumble

The Feast of St. Grumble is one of those holidays that everyone celebrates, even though no one can quite tell you why. It is not certain who St. Grumble is (or was) and why he should be celebrated. Traditionally, this holiday entails a lot of eating, drinking, and singing the ceremonial Grumble's Dirge, which goes like this:

Oh merry St. Grumble

He saw he did stumble

Upon the nest of a dragon

He snatched up the nest

stuck it in his vest

and left with his tail a-waggin'.

He showed his wife Lizzie

who got all in a tizzy

and told him to put it right back;

But he wouldn't hear reason

and come rainy season

the dragon ate him as a snack.

The rest of the song is typically improvised, and alternately involves St. Grumble's wife killing, or marrying, the dragon. It is unknown why St. Grumble, in canon literature, has a tail; several theories exist, but none adequately explain the phenomenon. It is customary for the Feast to don a false tail made of rope.

Often, the story from the Dirge will be acted out by children, or, sometimes, very drunk men. The woman playing Lizzie has the unfortunate but traditional task of kissing the man playing Grumble. This has led to many awkward situations and is a cherished part of the ceremony.

Other traditions of the Feast include a race around the perimeter of the celebration, with all the children chasing the unfortunate Grumble, baring and gnashing their teeth until they apprehend him; in more savage times, the Grumble was then beaten to a pulp, but in today's world he is merely tickled mercilessly. Several alternative traditions involve the woman named Lizzie; she wears a crown made of thistles and a velvet cape, and is given small presents (usually of alcohol). Drinking contests liven up the celebration. A good Feast of St. Grumble always involves severe cases of alcohol poisoning.

Traditionally, presents are exchanged between friends and family. These can be quite small gifts of food or clothing. Some cultures (like the galdori) like to celebrate with lavish presents for children.

This holiday is popular among all races and cultures, as it cannot be decided whether Grumble was a galdori, human, or wick.